KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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