Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Randomize
