I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So much rum. So many feels.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
