Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
