I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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