i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
did i walk over a car last night?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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