dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
