I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
So much rum. So many feels.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
