i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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