I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
