i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
