Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
