Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
