Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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