I am spending my child support on dildos
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
