And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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