Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
