TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
