this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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