so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
