Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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