What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
