I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
