we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
