Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
