all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
