I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
