I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
