all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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