It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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