The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
