I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
