I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
