i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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