My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
