btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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