the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
