I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
