he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
