This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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