is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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