soooo we both peed the bed last night...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
