2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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