did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
