I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
