I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
