New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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