farters have to be the big spoon...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
