He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need a beard to bite.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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