What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
