I'm lost and stupid without you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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