Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
