sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
BRING THE BAGELS
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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