He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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