guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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